Ok WTF?!
Let's talk groceries. Specifically bad taste, band wagons, shortcomings and science projects. All of which somehow came into my knowledge within the past 24 hours. And I'm not joking.
I mistakenly selected a new flavor of Yoplait Light yogurt from the dairy case yesterday. I didn't realize until I got home that it was Cinnamon Bun flavor. I don't even like cinnamon rolls so imagine my disgust to find that I had brought home the cold, fat free, dairy version of one. But I'm sort of frugal. So I figured......it must have some redeeming quality since the taste testing focus groups held across the country voted yay to seeing it on the supermarket shelves.
Well, apparently this country's taste testers HAVE LOST EVERY LAST ONE OF THEIR TASTE BUDS FROM SMOKING ALL THE CRACK. Fuck frugal. It went into the trash faster than icing melts on hot buns.
Next: Little Debbie, yeah that whore, has apparently jumped on the 100 calorie band wagon and is now pushing her snack-wrapped crack-cakes to 'health conscious' snackers who can't bear the thought of denying their lust for Little Debbie while they work to take off that pesky 100 pounds they somehow picked up.
Take for example the Nutty Bar. The glorious ooey-gooey wafer bar drenched in chocolate and wrapped two in a package. Now there's a single wrapped bar option which short changes you on the chocolate and calls itself a 100 calorie deal. As if you should be THANKFUL that Little Debbie has provided you her baked goods in a healthier version. Sorry Debbie, you don't go to the strip club hoping to find someone to take brisk Sunday afternoon walks with. You go in knowing full well what you are getting into. And that it's going to cost you a whole lot. Same thing with your Nutty Bars. If I'm going to do it, I'll do it knowing damn well that there's a days worth of calories nestled between those delicious wafers of yours. You've always been better at playing the temptress, Little D. Now is not the time to try mend your evil ways.
Then there was today's embarrassment for my Sargento "light" string cheese. I was pleased as punch to find this lower calorie version at my Jewel. Normally I purchase the Trader Joe "light" string cheese but I wasn't going to make it there yesterday and I was out. Well, imagine my surprise when I took Sarge out of the package only to find that it was noticeably shorter compared to Joe. So much so that I immediately thought about what they say to middle aged men who drive sport cars...."Nice car. Sorry about your penis." I considered that what Sarge lacked in size he made up for in taste. Meh. So-so. I guess Sargento feels better about its shortcomings by marketing itself as "light" rather than "inadequate." Whatever works for you dear. I'm usually not a picky girl when it comes to these things, but I think I prefer my inch more from Joe. What a stud.
And last, you probably want to hear about the science project. Now, I will say that I have yet to validate this, but it comes to me from a trusted source. Apparently, if you put bologna in direct sunlight it will tan. Great. Just when I thought bologna couldn't be more disgusting I find out this gross little factoid. I promise if I'm ever walking down the sidewalk and there's a piece of bologna lying there, tanning, you'll see a girl hurl.
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