Whatever it is, take it back!

Walking from the train to my office this morning I almost collided with the oncoming traffic of the morning commuters on the sidewalk.

(it's a very busy intersection...)
(even when it's not, I have to dodge pedestrians...)

It would have helped if I'd been paying attention. But I was distracted. By the woman with the hat. The stark white hat. The stark white hat that looked vaguely familiar?

Hair.

Maybe a certain kind of wool?

Hair.

Maybe an old sweater or hat of my own perhaps?

Hair.

Could it be possible it was.....nah.

Hair.

A stark white hat that I'm pretty positive was a bad dye job and a perm gone horribly wrong. I don't mean to bring more attention to what was probably a salon failure and resulted in tears and possible loss of employment, but it was awful. I have seen a bad color or two, a perm that was left on a little too long and bangs that looked like the stylist was "in the cups" if you get what I'm saying...so it's not just that. It was catastrophic because of the odd shape that it was. The shape that threw me at first glance to think it was a stark white fuzzy (shapeless) hat.

I apologized to the lady I had run into but who was equally apologetic for doing the same thing to me. As we situated our bags and coffee cups and newspapers we parted ways, eyebrows raised, sharing that brief non-verbal conversation.....was that a hat?!

A dedication of sorts: Calling all Courage. Come in Courage.

If courage is the car, than strength is the fuel.

Problems. Humungous, teeny, petty or possibly life-altering...they come in many different packages. They come at many different times. Sometimes one right after the other with no remorse.

It takes courage to pull the blinds up and peer into the hot mess that is your life and realize shit needs to change. Courage helps to admit that healing steps must be taken. If left alone, fear and denial can build up and make your stomach seize or your mouth go dry. Courage stops by, knocks on your door and offers you a breath mint and a chance to help you take the first step out the door.

But just because courage gets you to take the first step doesn't mean you won't turn and retreat at the first sign of difficulty. That's where strength enters in. It keeps you moving forward. Holding onto the banister and steadily taking one stair step after another.

You can't successfully have one without the other.

I applaud you. I raise my glass and toast in your honour. I know you wanted to find comfort and safety hiding out in your living room, secure behind a locked door and a loud television keeping you distracted, but yet you chose to get in the car (proverbial car) and hit the problem head-on.

Yeah, okay so it was a total collision...but hey, I say go big or go home! The result? A fiery mess of problem being dealt with.

Take that you dirty, pissy, no-good sissy-ass problem!

You are strong. And as I sat and listened to us volleying the "life can be sucky" ball back and forth I realized the depth of your strength. Your gas tank must be huge to hold all the strength it has taken over the past year. It's astounding.

Here's my way of telling you that you inspire me to be courageous. To have strength. And to remember that I must stop by the gas station and refuel every now and again.

(By "gas station" I mean conversations with good supportive friends, like you)

Thank you for this insight. Thank you for the fill-up.