I wish I were kidding

Thanks to a really great guy I now spend a lot of time noticing bikes and gear and stuff related to bikes. I am pretty regularly (and easily) entertained by this. Big bikes, little ones, custom made, tricked out, expensive, mountain vs. hybrid vs. road, clip shoes, messenger bags, saddles....the list goes on.

So not all that surprising that as I was walking to the gym tonight I came upon a lady -- probably in her mid-sixties with silver grey hair gathered in a loose ponytail, wearing comfy but functional attire -- putting a brand new awesome looking bike transporter on the back of a new-ish red hatchback car (probably eco-friendly) and looking quite happy with her accomplishment. Not at all surprising that I found myself starring at the contraption, curious about the brand and how it was attached to her city-appropriate, eco-friendly car.

No not surprising. What was surprising was that I chose to say the following words........out loud........while walking right past her and her proud new purchase........................................"Hey, nice rack."

Yeah, and I am not joking. Not even a little.

Blur

AAAAARRGH. If I don't escape out of the city soon, I think there will be some serious issues.

I need to be away from my desk.......
Away from phone and email.........
I need open sky.......and a kanteen of wine.

I haven't sat in front of a campfire
or watched stars, rowed a boat
or walked on the beach yet this Summer.

My insomnia is back, I can't resist snacking and my face is a mess
I'm quick to lose patience and I can't make a decision to save my life.

I want to be excited and surprised; goofy and optimistic. If I continue with this current state I'm going to be thought of as that snarky ugly girl with dull hair and a bad attitude. I'M TRULY NOT A BAD ATTITUDE KIND OF CHICK!! WHILE NEVER MISS SUNSHINE, I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO BRIGHTEN SOMEONE'S DAY, I AM CAPABLE OF IT. I think.

But lately I find myself doubting my ability to be a good friend, a good daughter, co-worker or neighbor. I can't imagine why anyone puts up with my distracted behaviour and my total apathy toward making plans and arranging outings. I'm just so tired.

And it's all been so blurry. I need to get out of the city.