Had one of those moments on the train today. You know the one, where you're reading along in the paper and all of a sudden your brain actually comprehends what it's reading and had it not you would have just kept skimming over the sentences pretending wholeheartedly to read the paper.
Yeah, I knew you knew what I was talking about. One of those moments.
Anyway, when the mental brakes engaged, I threw it in reverse and traveled back to the beginning of the horoscopes.
What? Yes, I read the paper including the comics, horoscopes and the weather. So what if the most redeemable part of the Chicago Tribune happens to be everything outside of the daily news? As a side note, here are two interesting facts:
1. The sections I read, in this order: Sports, Chicagoland, the "fun" section (Food, Live!, or the Friday section etc...) Business and then the Front page if there's time.
2. I only have the paper delivered Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I find that it's challenging enough to stay current on four days let alone all seven. I, too, find myself with unread Sunday papers at brunch.
Anyway, back to the Horoscope section this morning because it concerns you.....and you.......and you over there pretending not to be paying attention with your sunglasses on and your earphones in.....I know you're starring at me. Listen up. You'll all be interested to know that not one of us, not the Capricorns, or the Aquarians, the Libras, Sagitarians or Geminarians are in for anything less than a "6" day today.
See why my brain went, "Whoa!?"
Typically I read this particular section and search out the high sign, the sign that gets to have a "Today is a 9" day and I think, "Lucky bitches" because it's most always NOT my sign. I don't take this personally because I happen to know quite a few Aquarians so I feel that we can bond over our unfortunate ranking. On the blue moon occasion when I find out the Aquarians happen to be Prom Queen, I get all giggly and can't sit still. Like it's a birthday party or something.
After looking for the big number, I'll skim to find the sign that should quite possibly not get out of bed, the "Today is a 2" day. What sucks ass is when it's my sign and I'm already dressed and on the train, reading the paper. Sometimes it pays to sit leisurely at home and read the paper BEFORE getting dressed and heading out. I mean, if you read that your entire day's success rate is only going to top out at a 2, wouldn't you give some serious consideration to a sick day?
So imagine my perplexion (it's a word) when I can't find the niner and there's no little pip-squeak two among any of the signs. We are all either a 6 or a 7. The only explanation I came up with is that the Zodiac was either feeling apathetic and couldn't be bothered to dole out anything more than a tiny bit better than mediocre (which would be a 5) or it was still in bed and not alone....if you catch my drift *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge* and just needed to finish assigning success rates so it could get back to bizness. Either way, I guess you could say it's a win-win for all parties involved.
That would be all of us, people.
Hope you took advantage of your 6 or 7 and made choices you might not have made had today been a 2. Or paid a little closer attention to detail since you weren't given the gift of a 9 today. I bet it's just one of those wacky coinky dinks that won't happen again for a coon's age.
Or until the Zodiac gets lucky again.
No comments:
Post a Comment