Expense Report

Job-related trauma. It's a common occurrence. There is even worker's compensation to provide assistance for someone injured while "on the job."

Police persons are at high risk of being shot at. EMT's could easily get in a car crash. Chefs, burned or cut. Athletes, jock itch. Vegas dancers, bunions. Lifeguards, ending up on a new version of Baywatch (shutter!) these are all traumatic injuries.

So when I discover that my elbows are chaffed, from sitting at a desk......

Chaffed elbows. From typing. At my job. What?!

.........I wonder what worker's comp I could qualify for. Probably not more than a soft gauze pad or maybe a flexible band aid. My luck I'd be handed a maxi pad and told to tape it to my elbow for extra padding. Which got me thinking of all the things an office professional such as myself would expense given the chance.

Weekly massages. Without hesitation I put this at the top of the list. Forget pretty coffee mugs or fresh cream. I could care less about free soda in the kitchen or bagels on Friday. Give me ninety minutes being rubbed and pressed and stretched.

Ergonomic chair. Seeing how I sit for such extensive periods, I may as well be comfortable. I'm not asking for an Easy-boy.

Hydraulic desk. In the event the ergonomic chair isn't adequate enough on its own, I'd like the option to stand. This shouldn't be hard to convince my boss. He has one.

Coffee. I try not to drink a lot of afternoon coffee but sometimes it's a necessity and if I am buying it, chances are I'm looking for a good excuse to leave the aforementioned ergo chair and desk, so the right to expense it seems fair. Not to mention the fact that we have an employee who'll make the occasional afternoon pot of coffee and applies the Kellogg Raisin Bran slogan, "Two Scoops in Every Box" as her measuring guide.

Pencils. Yeah, I realize this is old school but my love for Ticonderoga's isn't going anywhere. Technology has a tendency to have intermitent outages now and again.

There's probably more, but you're probably reading this thinking, "But I have these things at my company."

Consider yourself spoiled and don't complain about the long wait at the elevator bank in your building. And if you could spare a couple of cotton balls and some flexible band-aids, I'd appreciate it. My elbows aren't getting any softer.