Or.... "Does this Cheesecake make my life look fat?"
(For the record, I don't like cheesecake, not in the least. Not even if it were infused with ginger, dusted with macadamia and topped with Frangelico whip cream)
It's time for me to fess up because I've been holding back and I haven't been honest with you recently. I always said that I would write what I needed and wanted to with no reservations or modesty (tact, yes) but no editing content for the audience. Shoot straight from the hip (Lord knows I have them) and always tell the truth, because we all know, truth usually makes for the best material.
I hate this.
Ok, here goes.......ready.....set........go........I have gained some *noticeable* weight. Shocking! Why on Earth could this take me by surprise? Naturally good eating habits wouldn't lead you into such a predicament, and I've mastered those in the past. Like 80 pounds in the past. Pssh-yeah.
Wait, what's that you say? Cookie dough and red wine at midnight can't be considered good? Whatdaya mean I can't grandfather these in?! Well I'll be a turnip cart, I never would have imagined........ah, bullshit. I totally knew. Totally aware. It's as if I have given Power Of Attorney to my mouth, my tastebuds and my emotions. They're the evil step children I have to put up with and right now I feel like they've tied the rational, calm part of my being to a chair in the tool shed.
The thing is, I'm a stress eater. What a low down dirty vice this is. Everyone eats to sustain life. Everyone has stress. I just happened to introduce these two scoundrels on the playground one time and since then they refuse to go play alone. I want to be one of those people unaffected by my stress, or at least can I be in the group that gets stressed and can't stomach water? I'd love that. Built in willpower.
Now you see why I haven't written about this topic until tonight. I have a lot to say about this and all of it is extremely personal and probably uninteresting to you. I don't know anyone who is happy with their body condition. Ok, maybe two people. In the country. But I'm not going to lie, when I get to the point where I've reversed this gain, I will shut the hello up and just be content. I'll be the third person in the country.
So why write about this at all? Well, I've got to bite the bullet and go to my Weight Watchers meeting this weekend. I've had the same leader since I started in 2005 and she's tracked the successes over these past years right along side of me -- until I took a leave of absence in November and haven't been back since. And now I find myself dreaming of loosing 10 pounds before I next go to weigh in so that she doesn't know the extent of the damage done in 3 months.
Why is that? Why would I try and lose weight prior to attending a meeting? A meeting solely created to support someone who is actively losing or maintaining weight? It seems stupid. But then if that's true, why do we brush our teeth before going to the dentist? Or trimming before going to the waxing appointment? Or even cleaning the house prior to the cleaning lady coming over....all services we willingly seek out and pay (dearly) for.
It's for approval. You want to be given kudos for maintaining your (teeth/lady parts/house) items between sessions. Approval that you took care of your new clean teeth for six months! When you walk out of that waxing appointment you are going to use your power for good and when you return for follow up there's travel and excitement to share! Trust me, you want the same from a WW Leader. You want to see the smile of congrats when you've lost from the week before. That hint of jealousy that they themselves wish for a second that was their success we were celebrating. To be better than when last you met. To have something to bring to the table.
Same goes for exes. You always want to look better, smell better, seem stronger than when you last met.
I can't change what will register when I get back on the horse this weekend at the meeting. Just like I can't worry about what I'll look like the next time I see my ex. I should be thankful I don't have to be naked for either.
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