We all have bad days. Don't fool yourself that you are alone in that parking lot. Look around....there's a shitload of cars parked out there with occupants sitting inside screaming obscenities and accepting their own award for Most Craptacular Day.
It became so frequent an occurrence that I was personally nominating myself and accepting the award for having a T.H.N.G.V.B.D. that I had to purchase a whole storage locker to hold my collection. But then things leveled out and I quickly became the second-runner up many times over. I even retired the rant that was my acceptance speech.
While this is most always a self-nominated category, I am making an exception. In light of recent events, I am nominating and also choosing the recipient. The winner of this T.H.N.G.V.B.D. title is being presented with a sash and a crapcake crown all his own. Hands down he wins. Unanimously.
I'm regretfully accepting this award tonight on his behalf. I'd like to believe if he were here he'd have a mouthful of obscenities which would make us laugh uncomfortably and possibly cry and most definitely applaud his ability to stand up and say, "This award sucks giant blue monkey ass and I hate having been nominated but moreover hate winning. "
I'll sadly give him his envelope and crown and then offer to be the on-going winner in this category if it meant his days would be free of T.H.N.G.V.B news. I'm just so sorry.
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