Walking from the train to my office this morning I almost collided with the oncoming traffic of the morning commuters on the sidewalk.
(it's a very busy intersection...)
(even when it's not, I have to dodge pedestrians...)
It would have helped if I'd been paying attention. But I was distracted. By the woman with the hat. The stark white hat. The stark white hat that looked vaguely familiar?
Hair.
Maybe a certain kind of wool?
Hair.
Maybe an old sweater or hat of my own perhaps?
Hair.
Could it be possible it was.....nah.
Hair.
A stark white hat that I'm pretty positive was a bad dye job and a perm gone horribly wrong. I don't mean to bring more attention to what was probably a salon failure and resulted in tears and possible loss of employment, but it was awful. I have seen a bad color or two, a perm that was left on a little too long and bangs that looked like the stylist was "in the cups" if you get what I'm saying...so it's not just that. It was catastrophic because of the odd shape that it was. The shape that threw me at first glance to think it was a stark white fuzzy (shapeless) hat.
I apologized to the lady I had run into but who was equally apologetic for doing the same thing to me. As we situated our bags and coffee cups and newspapers we parted ways, eyebrows raised, sharing that brief non-verbal conversation.....was that a hat?!
February 19, 2009
February 17, 2009
A dedication of sorts: Calling all Courage. Come in Courage.
If courage is the car, than strength is the fuel.
Problems. Humungous, teeny, petty or possibly life-altering...they come in many different packages. They come at many different times. Sometimes one right after the other with no remorse.
It takes courage to pull the blinds up and peer into the hot mess that is your life and realize shit needs to change. Courage helps to admit that healing steps must be taken. If left alone, fear and denial can build up and make your stomach seize or your mouth go dry. Courage stops by, knocks on your door and offers you a breath mint and a chance to help you take the first step out the door.
But just because courage gets you to take the first step doesn't mean you won't turn and retreat at the first sign of difficulty. That's where strength enters in. It keeps you moving forward. Holding onto the banister and steadily taking one stair step after another.
You can't successfully have one without the other.
I applaud you. I raise my glass and toast in your honour. I know you wanted to find comfort and safety hiding out in your living room, secure behind a locked door and a loud television keeping you distracted, but yet you chose to get in the car (proverbial car) and hit the problem head-on.
Yeah, okay so it was a total collision...but hey, I say go big or go home! The result? A fiery mess of problem being dealt with.
Take that you dirty, pissy, no-good sissy-ass problem!
You are strong. And as I sat and listened to us volleying the "life can be sucky" ball back and forth I realized the depth of your strength. Your gas tank must be huge to hold all the strength it has taken over the past year. It's astounding.
Here's my way of telling you that you inspire me to be courageous. To have strength. And to remember that I must stop by the gas station and refuel every now and again.
(By "gas station" I mean conversations with good supportive friends, like you)
Thank you for this insight. Thank you for the fill-up.
Problems. Humungous, teeny, petty or possibly life-altering...they come in many different packages. They come at many different times. Sometimes one right after the other with no remorse.
It takes courage to pull the blinds up and peer into the hot mess that is your life and realize shit needs to change. Courage helps to admit that healing steps must be taken. If left alone, fear and denial can build up and make your stomach seize or your mouth go dry. Courage stops by, knocks on your door and offers you a breath mint and a chance to help you take the first step out the door.
But just because courage gets you to take the first step doesn't mean you won't turn and retreat at the first sign of difficulty. That's where strength enters in. It keeps you moving forward. Holding onto the banister and steadily taking one stair step after another.
You can't successfully have one without the other.
I applaud you. I raise my glass and toast in your honour. I know you wanted to find comfort and safety hiding out in your living room, secure behind a locked door and a loud television keeping you distracted, but yet you chose to get in the car (proverbial car) and hit the problem head-on.
Yeah, okay so it was a total collision...but hey, I say go big or go home! The result? A fiery mess of problem being dealt with.
Take that you dirty, pissy, no-good sissy-ass problem!
You are strong. And as I sat and listened to us volleying the "life can be sucky" ball back and forth I realized the depth of your strength. Your gas tank must be huge to hold all the strength it has taken over the past year. It's astounding.
Here's my way of telling you that you inspire me to be courageous. To have strength. And to remember that I must stop by the gas station and refuel every now and again.
(By "gas station" I mean conversations with good supportive friends, like you)
Thank you for this insight. Thank you for the fill-up.
January 20, 2009
The Panic Room
Jody Foster may have her fancy totally-titanium, fully-computerized secure panic room, but I have....my bathroom.
I should mention that I share a family phobia of mice. I know that there are very few people that actually enjoy finding a mouse in their house, but when I say my Dad and I have a phobia, I mean the break-out-in-hives-sweat-dripping-from-head-to-toe-pale-I-can't-breathe sort of F-O-B-I-A. You don’t believe it’s true? Ask Corri. She’s seen it happen, twice.
While I rationally know that this crisis has been taken care of, a large part of me still has the heebie-jeebies and I can’t bring myself to go into the kitchen for any long period of time unaccompanied. Tonight’s dinner was peanut butter and a spoon because it was the first thing I could grab. I just keep seeing this:
That’s why when Scott and Corri walked in the door tonight my hearbeat calmed and I knew I would have sleep. No panic tub for me tonight.
In years past I have had the unfortunate luck of a Winter Mouse. It's like the coming of Santa Claus, only smaller and more hideous (And I don't think children run screaming in the opposite direction from Santa).
Well, okay maybe a few of them do. Maybe I did.....but never you mind my old fat men in red velvet suits paranoia. We are talking about the nasty mice, people.
I should mention that I share a family phobia of mice. I know that there are very few people that actually enjoy finding a mouse in their house, but when I say my Dad and I have a phobia, I mean the break-out-in-hives-sweat-dripping-from-head-to-toe-pale-I-can't-breathe sort of F-O-B-I-A. You don’t believe it’s true? Ask Corri. She’s seen it happen, twice.
Last year I had a mou-----wait, did I mention there's a warrior cat? How fucking stupid of a mouse are you to hideout in a house with a feline warrior? I should really give him a little tuna cake for earning his Boy Scout Hunting badge two times over. It is true that for all the shit I give Owen, he deserves my love and admiration today.
So, last night I was making some dinner while my roommate was getting ready for her class. Quietly focused on reading the directions from the back of the box of noodles, I was totally caught off guard when the fucking mouse leapt from somewhere off to my left across the counter in front of me and scurried off in the direction of the coffee pot. I can only assume to hide behind the coffee pot at the other end of the counter. I’m assuming this last part because the second it jumped I started screaming and running.
Screaming. And running. In blind PANIC.
When Corri’s heart started beating again she lovingly tended to her whacked out roomie (THANK YOU AGAIN) and asked what happened. I tried to explain that the monster had shown itself and it looked like this: 
When we braved the kitchen we couldn’t find it and Corri was late for class. Bidding her a terrified and frightened "Goodbye, please come home soon" she was off. Not five minutes later I was looking for Owen "the Hunter" and couldn’t find him. As if he heard me mentally calling him he trotted out of Corri’s room with Winter Mouse dangling from his mouth. And even though it makes NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER in my panic covered head, Winter Mouse looked like this: 
When we braved the kitchen we couldn’t find it and Corri was late for class. Bidding her a terrified and frightened "Goodbye, please come home soon" she was off. Not five minutes later I was looking for Owen "the Hunter" and couldn’t find him. As if he heard me mentally calling him he trotted out of Corri’s room with Winter Mouse dangling from his mouth. And even though it makes NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER in my panic covered head, Winter Mouse looked like this: Being the phob-a-riffic chicken I am, I made a B-line directly into the bathroom (aka the Panic Room) and into the tub. I called Corri-- because she’s step two of my emergency plan after first securing myself in the tub – and she made a quick call to Scott -- her step two in an emergency plan -- and she assured me he was on his way. I kid you not Scott rectified the emergency Winter Mouse 09 crisis in a matter of minutes armed with only a pair of rubber gloves, a soothing voice and a blue plastic shopping bag. Scott deserves my love and admiration today as well.
While I rationally know that this crisis has been taken care of, a large part of me still has the heebie-jeebies and I can’t bring myself to go into the kitchen for any long period of time unaccompanied. Tonight’s dinner was peanut butter and a spoon because it was the first thing I could grab. I just keep seeing this:
That’s why when Scott and Corri walked in the door tonight my hearbeat calmed and I knew I would have sleep. No panic tub for me tonight. December 31, 2008
31 Days of December
As the last day of the month and of the year ticks away, I wanted to recap for all of you my events which helped to create the new tradition of "31 days of December" that I have decided to celebrate instead of Christmas. Overall, I think it was an enjoyable success.
Parties: Having not accepted (or receiving for that matter) any invitations, I felt it was necessary to crash a cocktail party in the Gold Coast where I only knew two people. The food was put away about 20 minutes after arriving and so basically it boiled down to a couple glasses of wine and a spectacular view of Lakeshore Drive and Lake Michigan at night. The other plus to choosing this particular party was the host had subscribed to HBO's De La Hoya - Pacquiao fight at the MGM. Good start.
Home cooking: In continuing with the tradition of Top Cheeeef Wednesday, my cohorts and I were able to squeeze in two viewings this month. In celebration of 31/Dec I prepared two homemade dinners for the girls. Always a good time.
Game night: A little competition gets the blood pumping during the frigid weather.
Christmas music: I want to see a performance at the Opera House but did not want to shell out upwards of $75 for a ticket during this month so I was fortunate to come across the Lyric's Chamber Choir Christmas program. I got to sit in the balcony and enjoy the beautiful singers that perform during many of the operas for half the cost of an opera. Also a co-worker of mine belongs to the Chicago Chamber Choir and they had a Christmas sing-along concert in a Chicago neighborhood church. Not only did I get to sing-along and laugh-along with Anne (a professional singer herself) I was also able to cross off "church" which I had on my list of things to do.
Volunteering: While I wasn't able to arrange wrapping or reading or cooking volunteering in the city somewhere, I was able to volunteer to babysit for Lil E and read her Christmas (bedtime) stories while her mom and dad went to the Bears vs Packers game at Soldier Field...great game, but I got the better deal.
Cookies: What's December without a sugar-high? I wasn't able to get to this until after the holiday--just when my co-workers thought it was safe to go back into the kitchen!
It's A Wonderful Life: If you've been following along you'll already know this was probably the "big" event for 31/Dec.
The rest of the activities were less noteworthy but included: Peeking in on houses with decorated trees, photographing lit-up holiday yard decor, staying up late and sleeping in, classic movies on TV (White Christmas, Home Alone, The Family Stone, Fred Clause.....), Christmas cards and holiday music.
I know that my 31/Dec will be continued (and improved) next year. I hope you enjoyed your holiday traditions and events and are looking forward to making the most of the new year ahead. My love to all of you and I hope for many great and surprising events for all of us in 09.
Parties: Having not accepted (or receiving for that matter) any invitations, I felt it was necessary to crash a cocktail party in the Gold Coast where I only knew two people. The food was put away about 20 minutes after arriving and so basically it boiled down to a couple glasses of wine and a spectacular view of Lakeshore Drive and Lake Michigan at night. The other plus to choosing this particular party was the host had subscribed to HBO's De La Hoya - Pacquiao fight at the MGM. Good start.
Home cooking: In continuing with the tradition of Top Cheeeef Wednesday, my cohorts and I were able to squeeze in two viewings this month. In celebration of 31/Dec I prepared two homemade dinners for the girls. Always a good time.
Game night: A little competition gets the blood pumping during the frigid weather.
Christmas music: I want to see a performance at the Opera House but did not want to shell out upwards of $75 for a ticket during this month so I was fortunate to come across the Lyric's Chamber Choir Christmas program. I got to sit in the balcony and enjoy the beautiful singers that perform during many of the operas for half the cost of an opera. Also a co-worker of mine belongs to the Chicago Chamber Choir and they had a Christmas sing-along concert in a Chicago neighborhood church. Not only did I get to sing-along and laugh-along with Anne (a professional singer herself) I was also able to cross off "church" which I had on my list of things to do.
Volunteering: While I wasn't able to arrange wrapping or reading or cooking volunteering in the city somewhere, I was able to volunteer to babysit for Lil E and read her Christmas (bedtime) stories while her mom and dad went to the Bears vs Packers game at Soldier Field...great game, but I got the better deal.
Cookies: What's December without a sugar-high? I wasn't able to get to this until after the holiday--just when my co-workers thought it was safe to go back into the kitchen!
It's A Wonderful Life: If you've been following along you'll already know this was probably the "big" event for 31/Dec.
The rest of the activities were less noteworthy but included: Peeking in on houses with decorated trees, photographing lit-up holiday yard decor, staying up late and sleeping in, classic movies on TV (White Christmas, Home Alone, The Family Stone, Fred Clause.....), Christmas cards and holiday music.
I know that my 31/Dec will be continued (and improved) next year. I hope you enjoyed your holiday traditions and events and are looking forward to making the most of the new year ahead. My love to all of you and I hope for many great and surprising events for all of us in 09.
December 26, 2008
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....leak
It's 11 o'clock PM and I am sitting here listening, not for sleigh bells, but to the drip-drip-drip of melting snow leaking onto my furnace. It's annoying.
For those of you out-of-towners that aren't aware, it's 53 degrees in Chicago tonight and all of our snow....the piles and piles.....is melting. Tonight and tomorrow we are going to get heavy thunderstorms and wind. Tomorrow night it's going to be 27 degrees. This is bulls#!&.
Oh, and here's a kick in the apples....my landlord moved to Colorado so she no longer lives downstairs, the upstairs neighbors are gone for the holiday and no one can get into their apartment to access their leak situation. I have this wonderful fear that when I wake up (at hour intervals all night to dump the containers) that the upstairs floor will have caved in and their furnace will be sitting in my hallway keeping my furnace company.
Good times.
For those of you out-of-towners that aren't aware, it's 53 degrees in Chicago tonight and all of our snow....the piles and piles.....is melting. Tonight and tomorrow we are going to get heavy thunderstorms and wind. Tomorrow night it's going to be 27 degrees. This is bulls#!&.
Oh, and here's a kick in the apples....my landlord moved to Colorado so she no longer lives downstairs, the upstairs neighbors are gone for the holiday and no one can get into their apartment to access their leak situation. I have this wonderful fear that when I wake up (at hour intervals all night to dump the containers) that the upstairs floor will have caved in and their furnace will be sitting in my hallway keeping my furnace company.
Good times.
December 24, 2008
About Last Night
I liked it. It was......dare I admit........somewhat "wonderful."
I have to add on some nostalgic points because I saw it at an olde time movie house, with a sold out audience, a drunk Santa leading sing-along accompanied by the organist and it was snowing outside.
I will say that I was doubly (is that a word....even I am questioning it) entertained because the cult followers of this tradition have included sound effects like hissing whenever Potter talks, clapping and cheering when each new character is introduced and ringing bells during random scenes -- I never did quite figure out the rhyme or reason to the bell, I mean I get the whole Angel thing but it sometimes didn't coincide with any Angel reference. Guess that's the more advanced viewer status. There was also the thing about the hot dog. I don't care how much of a die-hard Wonderful-fan you are, leave the processed meat at home.
All in all I think that finally seeing this was a good thing. I am glad I waited until this year so that I could appreciate it for what it is and not because it was someone else's tradition.
God Bless us one and al---wait, that's a different movie. Maybe I'll see that one next year.
I have to add on some nostalgic points because I saw it at an olde time movie house, with a sold out audience, a drunk Santa leading sing-along accompanied by the organist and it was snowing outside.
I will say that I was doubly (is that a word....even I am questioning it) entertained because the cult followers of this tradition have included sound effects like hissing whenever Potter talks, clapping and cheering when each new character is introduced and ringing bells during random scenes -- I never did quite figure out the rhyme or reason to the bell, I mean I get the whole Angel thing but it sometimes didn't coincide with any Angel reference. Guess that's the more advanced viewer status. There was also the thing about the hot dog. I don't care how much of a die-hard Wonderful-fan you are, leave the processed meat at home.
All in all I think that finally seeing this was a good thing. I am glad I waited until this year so that I could appreciate it for what it is and not because it was someone else's tradition.
God Bless us one and al---wait, that's a different movie. Maybe I'll see that one next year.
December 23, 2008
Only 3 1/2 hours to go...
As part of the "31 days of December" project I have a ticket to see "It's a Wonderful Life" at the Music Box on Southport tonight. Makes sense, right? I have been told repeatedly that it is the holiday of all holiday movies.
But I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it. Ever.
I may be one of the last (of my age at least) to see this film. I didn't set out with this as a goal, but when the umpteenth person raved and tearfully told me I didn't know what I was missing....I decided to go right along missing it. Until now.
With this attempt at trying to bring new traditions to my holidays, I have decided this could be one of them. The jury's waiting to see if this Jimmy guy can win me over.
But I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it. Ever.
I may be one of the last (of my age at least) to see this film. I didn't set out with this as a goal, but when the umpteenth person raved and tearfully told me I didn't know what I was missing....I decided to go right along missing it. Until now.
With this attempt at trying to bring new traditions to my holidays, I have decided this could be one of them. The jury's waiting to see if this Jimmy guy can win me over.
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